Let’s Extrapolate Wildly: This Photo of Lily James and Josh Dylan

There are several conclusions to be drawn from this magnificent work. While a small piece of the Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again artistic tapestry, this piece highlights the offscreen sexual tension between stars Lily James (Cinderella; Upsettingly Hot) and Josh Dylan (Can Sing; Big Dick Energy). At a cursory glance, this photo is that of costars and friends. It is a fleeting image on social media without much of a lasting impression. But is it? Could it be more? 

Let’s start at the top - eye contact. At first inspection, both look up at the camera as if to say, “What? We’re so casual, you’re the weird one for flooding your basement”. But peel the onion. Looking closer, it is clear that both subjects have eaten pancakes following climax in the last 27 minutes.

Let’s not jump to conclusions, that doesn’t mean they’re intercoursing each other. Maybe Lily James is getting dicked down by one of the 3 straight extras. Maybe Josh Dylan rubbed one out in his car between takes to dampen his masculine energy and prevent nearby squirrels from going into heat during filming.

The fact that Josh and Lily sex one another on the regs is made clear largely based on their hair and mouths. The former, matching golden waves, dare you to worry that you’re maybe into incest. The latter, obviously confused to not be on the other’s genitals, invite you to look up their natal charts to see what signs their Mars are in and whether they're astrologically predisposed  to scarf play.

Josh points at Lily as if to say “This is an actual human person that consented to my sex”. Lily gives us the finger to say “lol, I’m better than you, but in a really human way”.

I want to highlight the ring on Lily’s finger. Josh also wears jewelry (necklace). An obvious allusion to their previous heist of The Hope Diamond, this admission by the duo highlights the trust they share and all of the sex they regularly have on piles of obscure currencies (Belarusian Rubles).

Of course, neither Lily nor Josh is wearing pants while both wear outerwear and slippers. The auspicious lack of pants is a clear contrast to images of Rome's Vestal Virgins, who almost always wore pants. This fact, combined with the fact that I can literally smell their ejaculate through my husband's Microsoft Surface, makes this the clearest indication that they’re rubbing the handle clean (a term I just made up).

Fin.